close your legs

I'm convinced that New Yorkers are so pissed off most of the time because of the stress added to the mix by the rush hour subway experience.
Even if you're not part of this sardine-esque (not a valid Scrabble word) experience, you're probably dealing with 30 or so people a day who are and who are pissed at you because you're just like the other faceless strangers on the subway who take an active part in destroying their lives bit by bit every morning.

If you ride the subway in NYC during rush hour, here are some tips:

You are NOT the center of the universe!

If there are people standing and no apparent seats,

CLOSE YOUR LEGS AND SLIDE OVER, ASSHOLE.

If you're not touching the person next to you on the seat,

THERE'S ROOM FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO SIT.

If the car is crowded, and you've just walked through the door,

THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WAITING TO ALSO GET IN. DON'T JUST STAND IN THE DOORWAY LIKE AN IDIOT.

When someone makes an attempt to be polite and say "excuse me" instead of simply shoving you aside,

GET OUT OF YOUR OWN PETTY LITTLE WORLD AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS

Thus begins the daily chronicle of my subway hateful polemic:

1/4/1999: The number 9 train I'm on, shortly after leaving 96th street, suddenly decides to go straight to 157th street without any stops. Particularly fun, since most people on the train don't know that a) 157th street is a station where you have to leave the station and pay again to switch directions and b) 168th street is the next stop, where you don't have to do that. I consider sending the MTA a bill for my wasted 25 minutes.
1/8/1999: This morning, after watching one local train pull out without me because it was literally too full to get on, the express train I finally make it onto stops just short of the station I need to get off at because of "door malfunction" in the preceding train. While this is going on, two local trains (including the one I got off of to get on the express) pass by.
1/11/1999: Not one, not two, but three trains local trains stop in the station, open their doors, close their doors, and leave without a single passenger getting on. People next to me are pushing apart the barriers between the trains and riding between cars. I stand on the platform for no less than 25 minutes before a suitably unpacked train arrives. There is no opportunity to transfer to the express. Today, I start logging total times: 57 minutes door-to-door.
1/12/1999: Today, I walked to the express stop instead of my normal practice of waiting for the local and transferring. Although it seemed to take longer, I'm convinced I saved time waiting on the platform, and managed to catch the first express train that arrived. I had to yell at some people who were sitting and taking up too much room, but having offered the resulting free seat to anyone who wanted it, to no effect, I felt justified in sitting down. The day is oddly calm so far.
1/13/1999: Walking to the express stop seems to help. Local train people suck. I am continually amazed that if I yell at people who are sitting to slide closer to one another to make room for one more person to sit, not one of the people standing next to me will accept the new seat. Weird.
1/14/1999: Strangely, the snow seems to have decreased congestion on the trains. I've also realized that sleeping in an extra half-hour has little bearing on the time I walk into work in the morning, and makes my commute more pleasant. For example, if I get up at 8:00, I can get to work by 9:00, maybe 9:05. However, if I get up at 8:30, I can still get to work by 9:05, spending time sleeping in my bed instead of standing on the train platform watching full trains pass by.
1/15/1999: As the snow decreased congestion, the ice-rain increased it as people became increasingly more afraid to take cabs. The train was very crowded, but walking to the express stop still seemed help.
1/19/1999: Fair weather today, no precipitation. Day after a long weekend. People seem less stressed, seats available on the express train before 9. Odd.
1/26/1999: Today was a first. I actually had to physically return force against the mass of people trying to squeeze their way onto a full train, to prevent m being crushed against the three people next to me. We're not talking about a "full" train where there's actually lots of room because people haven't moved in, we're talking about a full train where people have already moved in and the crowd on the platform is trying to force their way in regardless. I said "excuse me", >loudly<, while firmly shoving back towards the door, and several people apologized, which seemed to be a knee-jerk reaction, as they were still clearly stunned from suddenly being forced back onto the platform. People make me sick sometimes.

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